yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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