I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
