Ambien. No doubt about it.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
