My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
