Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
