he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
