I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
