Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
