I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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