Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
