Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
