wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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