i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
