hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
