I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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