Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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