Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
