Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
