the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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