Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
