hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
