Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
