I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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