Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
