i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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