in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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