using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I fill condoms, not promises.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
