There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
