I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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