The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
