maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
