im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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