i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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