he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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