You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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