Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
