My brain says no but my pants say off.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
