i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
