I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
