puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
