Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
