Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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