I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
