I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
