i just had sex bonerless
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
