1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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