i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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