I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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