What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
