question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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