the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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